Conversations with myself
Inspired by the recent interview Cotton conducted with himself, I decided to go back in time and have a little chat with me eight years ago. I just wanted to give him/me a little heads-up about a few things. Here's what happened...
I stepped out of the worm-hole and into my old bedroom. I hadn't arrived home from school yet so I just relaxed on the old bed for a little while. Before long 16 year old me comes home.
16 me: Who are you?
24 me: I'm you eight years from now.
16 me: Wow. You're me at 26?
24 me: Are you serious? Do your fucking homework? I'm 24.
16 me: Got it. What are you doing here?
24 me: Thought you should know a few things about the man you're going to become.
16 me: Really? Do I lose my virginity soon?
24 me: Pretty soon.
16 me: What's it like?
24 me: It's nice.
16 me: I knew it would be. Who with?
24 me: Come on, you don't want to open all your presents at once, do you?
16 me: I guess not. Hey, do I ever get to sleep with Lana Woods, the girl next door?
24 me: Yeah, and you also become a tennis pro and live in a great big castle made of candy. Get serious. Listen up, kid, you have a lot to look forward to.
16 me: Like what?
24 me: Like sideburns.
16 me: Awesome.
24 me: I know. And pregnancy scares.
16 me: Sweet. Anything else?
24 me: No, that's about it.
16 me: Do I stop masturbating so much?
24 me: Um, that gets worse, actually.
16 me: Do I become a famous actor?
24 me: Yep, you become rich and famous and beautiful women want to sleep with you every day.
16 me: Wow. I knew it!
24 me: No, kid, I'm just fucking with you. You steal from your flatmate's change jar and you dabble in snuff porn for a little while.
16 me: That makes more sense, I guess.
24 me: But listen, I don't have much time. There's something I need to tell you. One day you'll travel to Thailand, and when you're there you'll meet a very beautiful woman. You're going to want to have sex with her. Fight that urge.
16 me: Why?
24 me: Because it turns out that some Thai men can look a lot like Thai women, ok? Do you want to write that down or something?
16 me: I don't have a pen on me. I'm sure I'll remember.
Suddenly a new worm-hole opens up and me at 40 enters the room.
40 me: Hey guys.
24 me: Let me guess - you're me at 50.
40 me: Fuck you. I'm 40.
24 me: You're kidding. What happened to your hair?
40 me: I don't want to talk about it.
16 me: So how are things at 40?
40 me: Um, fine. They're fine. Don't worry about it.
24 me: Hey, do we ever get to fuck Lana Woods?
40 me: Yeah, and you also become a tennis pro and live in a great big castle made of candy. Get serious.
24 me: Still using that one, huh? So what brings you here?
Awkward pause
40 me: Do you guys have any cash I can borrow.
I stepped out of the worm-hole and into my old bedroom. I hadn't arrived home from school yet so I just relaxed on the old bed for a little while. Before long 16 year old me comes home.
16 me: Who are you?
24 me: I'm you eight years from now.
16 me: Wow. You're me at 26?
24 me: Are you serious? Do your fucking homework? I'm 24.
16 me: Got it. What are you doing here?
24 me: Thought you should know a few things about the man you're going to become.
16 me: Really? Do I lose my virginity soon?
24 me: Pretty soon.
16 me: What's it like?
24 me: It's nice.
16 me: I knew it would be. Who with?
24 me: Come on, you don't want to open all your presents at once, do you?
16 me: I guess not. Hey, do I ever get to sleep with Lana Woods, the girl next door?
24 me: Yeah, and you also become a tennis pro and live in a great big castle made of candy. Get serious. Listen up, kid, you have a lot to look forward to.
16 me: Like what?
24 me: Like sideburns.
16 me: Awesome.
24 me: I know. And pregnancy scares.
16 me: Sweet. Anything else?
24 me: No, that's about it.
16 me: Do I stop masturbating so much?
24 me: Um, that gets worse, actually.
16 me: Do I become a famous actor?
24 me: Yep, you become rich and famous and beautiful women want to sleep with you every day.
16 me: Wow. I knew it!
24 me: No, kid, I'm just fucking with you. You steal from your flatmate's change jar and you dabble in snuff porn for a little while.
16 me: That makes more sense, I guess.
24 me: But listen, I don't have much time. There's something I need to tell you. One day you'll travel to Thailand, and when you're there you'll meet a very beautiful woman. You're going to want to have sex with her. Fight that urge.
16 me: Why?
24 me: Because it turns out that some Thai men can look a lot like Thai women, ok? Do you want to write that down or something?
16 me: I don't have a pen on me. I'm sure I'll remember.
Suddenly a new worm-hole opens up and me at 40 enters the room.
40 me: Hey guys.
24 me: Let me guess - you're me at 50.
40 me: Fuck you. I'm 40.
24 me: You're kidding. What happened to your hair?
40 me: I don't want to talk about it.
16 me: So how are things at 40?
40 me: Um, fine. They're fine. Don't worry about it.
24 me: Hey, do we ever get to fuck Lana Woods?
40 me: Yeah, and you also become a tennis pro and live in a great big castle made of candy. Get serious.
24 me: Still using that one, huh? So what brings you here?
Awkward pause
40 me: Do you guys have any cash I can borrow.
posted by Donkey Oti at 5:08 PM
5 Comments:
No more of the 'Tavis' Cotton. I am merely Cotton. My identity needs to be spared. You can post my phone number though. For the ladies.
is 16 year old you single?
just wondering...
40: I forgot about the Thai girls. eewwww
You never forget about the Thai girls. EVER!!
Very cool. I got great enjoyment out of that post, and I will now visit Cotton's blog to read his version as well. Great work!
BTW - I get the BTTF reference, but what significance is it to you? Are you an avid BTTF fan like I am, or do you just like driving really fast?
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